Anticipation...

yeah, i am sitting here waiting to start my trip to europe.  i have decided on what clothes to take, created my playlist for my ipod, copied my documents to various spots, spot checked locations on the map, purchased my travel book, got my language book, tried to learn a language, downloaded language apps, test drove my new camera, and did a practice packing.    (whew, nice long/ run-on sentence)

so, i guess i am just to the point to put the proverbial rubber to the road.   the false bravado may come down a little bit after i get onto the plane heading for berlin.   wow.   talk about a challenge.  go to another  country and get it down by yourself.   i can't say how much i am truly excited for this but i am not going to say that i have some nerves too.    does that have to do with flying on 9/11?   maybe.  but, i do feel that by doing something like this is truly a great to honor those lost on that day and those since who have been protecting us since.

i remember setting this trip up in march, and it is less than 72hrs away.  something to be said for seeing something through.  

so, maybe this is the new phrase:

PREPARATION 
          leads to ANTICIPATION 
                       followed by IMPLEMENTATION 
                                              producing CELEBRATION 

Happy Labor Day

pretty basic title.    labor day is about celebrating the workers of our society.   working doesn't have to equate to employment, but it does equate to a job.   we all have jobs in our own lives; spouse, friend, sibling, relative, and even acquaintances.   it really boils down to our biggest and most important job we have being their for others.   friendship in the simplest terms.   have we made a phone call ?  have we returned an email or text?  have we made somebody smile or laugh?   have we thought of another before we thought of ourselves.  

i always find it funny how i let my own thoughts (maybe, misconception is more accurate) cloud my judgement on things.   a simple and likely selfish one is keeping my fb friends to a "reasonable" number.   really?  yeah,  my thinking was "how do you really know or talk with that many people?"  i am talking 300+.  but, so what!   it was me being a bit selfish and spoiled and selective in who i know.  i think that is silly on my part.   why can't i "friend" more people?   here is a wonderful tool to allow people to make those small little interactions with others that help to make life a bit more bearable on those bad days, and we all have them.

so,  at least for me, i am gonna try to reconnect with folks and if i can try to give others a little more smile in their life.   and, it is good for my soul too.   :)

just my thoughts.

Insomnia

well, i guess it was just a matter of time before i wrote a blog due to the inability to sleep.  actually, in my case it is the inability to turn my brain off for a few hours.   some might think, that it was because i was so busy in life with the juggling of a career, family, debt and all the other parts of the american dream. :)
the issue is that i wish i were truly juggling a career and a significant person within my life.  wondering how i will add those components OR maybe the better description is how i get those BACK into my life.
i was doing fine, especially after getting back from a recent debacle trip to vegas.   (i would tell you but YOU know that i can't.  it is VEGAS-LAW!)

the trip was wonderful but the clarity that comes from bad decisions we make for ourselves or when bad things happen to you can be like a splash of cold water to the face.   now, i would like to think that i have matured enough to think the 'cold water to the face' days were behind me.   they are not.  but, i would say the frequency of them has decreased.  so, i take that as a win.   and, i guess that is the important part to see...the good or the improvement that we still can make.   the shitty stuff will always be there because unfortunately, that is what we are always and easily reminded of.  it takes real strength of character to see the good in any situation while NOT ignoring the bad but just not focusing on it.

see, that is what i am trying to keep doing with my own experiment/game of life.   i just want to be as happy as i was in
the picture.   i am working on it but sometimes i just don't see the
results.  well, i guess i just have to keep adjusting the process to get a
new result that i want.

-just a few sleep deprived cents.

what we ALL need!

well, i guess this is my take on what we (ok, i am extrapolating to we from me) require to make for a meaningful existence. great, another take on that "special recipe". well, i find that it helps me more to at least get the thoughts out, if only to allow for more room to the those crazy, offensive, degenerate-like and politically-incorrect ideas. holy christ. would i be in serious trouble if those every got to "virtual" pen & paper.

first up, HUMOR. it never ceases to amaze me, the power that laughter has on people. and, just to be clear and upfront, i don't care what you find funny. if you like british comedy then have at it. but, that is your cross to bear. humor allows us to take a moment in time and just let the hair down and escape the "whatever it is" making up your day. you never know what it will. have you ever gone back to something that was so hilarious at one point and then have it not as funny, or even funny, at some later point? in my case, it was probably something that involved a change in my sobriety. :) so, make sure you laugh at least once a day, even if at yourself because life is to short. OH, and if you can make somebody laugh then you are doing really well. think about how good you feel when you can make somebody laugh. laughter is more contagious than yawning, at least in my non-medical opinion.

next up, INTEGRITY. i know that is seems cliche. but, maybe cliches/stereotypes are there because of some level of truth? (ponder at a later time). simply put, this is how you choose to interact with others in your personal life, work life, family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. and maybe the toughest person to keep the integrity with is our own self, well at least sometimes. it really is hard to lie to yourself over a lifetime. at some point it all catches up to you. maybe, they call those the moments of clarity? (again, something to ponder at a later time)

in my opinion, integrity includes 3 traits; honesty, accountability and responsibility. the combination of these traits ALL at the same time is how i envision integrity. sure, we might get 1 or 2 of the traits but it seems like that third one is just out of reach. and, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, because out of reach means you have to stretch yourself and/or grown. each relationship you have with a person is gonna be some different combination of honesty, accountability, and responsibility and that will lead to different views of your integrity by others. so, how do i see each of the traits?

honesty: is your intent, action, or speaking a true reflection of what you want to convey? or did you put a "political spin" on it? does it truly match with what is in your heart, mind, and soul?

accountability: do you accept the consequences of your actions and words? this is pretty easy in a virtual world. can you look somebody in the eye when you deliver that message?

responsibility: do you perform what is required of you, regardless of how painful it may seem to be? do you step forward or at least do you NOT turn and run when everyone steps back?

just my take on the traits. funny, how i defined them from questions. (at least to me)

our third contestant is LOVE. there has to be something within us that feeds that "passion-fire" within all of us. it can love of country, family, friends, belief, etc. also, i would say that compassion can fall into this bucket. we all need to show compassion to others, and be willing to accept the compassion of others. yes, we ALL will need it at some point and hopefully we remember this when we treat others with compassion or at least empathy. indifference should have been added to the 7 deadly sins, but 8 doesn't have the cinematic quality of a 7. (your welcome b.pitt) seriously, when you can't feel for anything then it is time to cash in your chips and leave the table. so, it is important that we open our hearts to love & compassion because these seem to be the true way to exercise our hearts. and, as we all know the heart is the strongest muscle in the human body. so, with that logic then love and compassion have to be some pretty awesome exercises. i hope you have all found love at least once and continue to find more in your own lives. me? i have and i continue to look for more.

batting clean-up, HUMILITY. seems like everyone these days could show a bit more humility. if anything, we have all made some mistakes or had to live with consequences of other's mistakes. shit happens, and you just have to be honest about it. at times, we are gonna be taken down a few notches and sometimes we may go up a few notches. so, just keep that in mind, stay grounded, stay humble. remember, there are others who will help you up when you fall and just make sure to keep paying it forward.

COMMUNICATION. this is what it is all about, how do you get your message out?

every single time others see our actions or hear our words, we are conveying a message about our humor, integrity, love and humility. everything we do is a communication with others; how we listen, how we respond, how we initiate, and on and on. and, the mediums are always changing, and sometimes for the better or worse. but, we keep striving to convey the message and more importantly receiving the message. let me repeat that. it is more important to receive the message. we all need to strive to listen more and talk less. we truly will learn more. however you communicate, all i ask is that you continue to improve it and strive to always convey your humor, integrity, love and humility.

that is all i got for today. i am never really sure where these will go but this one felt really good to write. i got a lot for it and maybe you did too. maybe i put down like 5 to 7 cents with this entry.

Successfully Funny

comedians, i think there is a lot to learn from these folks. and, not the usual stuff like drinking, drugs, funny stories, or any other degenerate life skill. :) honestly, i think there is a real positive message that can be gained from these folks. really.

ok, so i have been listening to podcasts for the last few months. and, the majority of them are from comedians such as jay mohr, aisha tyler, marc moron, and adam carolla. these are just a few, and most of them tend to interview other comedians or funny people. i probably started because i wanted to hear some funny stories, and who doesn't enjoy a good laugh. funny thing (haha) happened along the way, i actually picked up some reminders about life ( i would say that i had already learned/ knew them but getting reminded is just as good) while i was listening.

the biggest concept that resonated was, it is extremely important to know where you want to go with your life and keeping toward that goal. sometimes, you have to take some shit, work a crappy job, or maybe take a step backwards but you have to keep your mind focused on where you want to get to.

another idea that stuck with me was to be truly honest with yourself. yes, we all have issues and quirks but don't necessarily shun them but embrace them. use them to improve yourself, or measure how you doing. if you measure against a "passing metric" what the hell does that tell you? use that "failing metric", and if you aren't failing as much then you are improving. turn a weakness into a strength. i think we have all heard how all great comedians had to or continue to find their humor from with the pain in their life.

additionally, it was refreshing to hear them give credit for help they got from others while still being confident in their own abilities. and, that is really true, it takes both help from within and help from others.

funny (haha) but i think i got more from these podcasts then listening to "leaders" in our society. i never pimp anything but i would easily suggest listening to any of the podcasts i listed above. they are free on itunes. i like to laugh but i am cheap...hahaha

Actions & Consequences

OK. i just say the news article about this mother, from alaska but not the palin, who just got convicted of child abuse. why? she decided to make a video of putting hot sauce in a 7 year old's mouth and making him take a cold shower for lying about something from school.

now, i don't know how cold the shower was, for how long he was in it, how much hot sauce or how wild and hot it was. also, i don't really have an issue with a parent taking some action against their child to improve their behavior. hell, it happened to me and for several generations before me. i am all for some punishment but do it in the privacy of your own home. why in the hell would you make a video of it, if not for some sickness to be on television or some weird sado-masochist side you have.

OK. so, she is convicted. no problem there. but, only because people complained after the video went viral. see, dummy. keep your personal shit to yourself. you don't know these idiots who have no idea what you and your son's relationship is about. part of me is glad this happened because maybe just maybe people will start to pause for a second before making their "shit" viral. actions do carry consequences. let me repeat that. ACTIONS DO CARRY CONSEQUENCES.

the other little nugget here is just how private is your life? i would suggest, if you make a video and put on the web then you gave up the "private part" of you life in the video. just look at the trouble you can get into with facebook or other social networking sites. once on the web, it is about as far from private as you get. so, any of you that read orwell's 1984, do you thing we are getting closer to that? i don't know. here is how i try to keep my privacy:

-no uploading of videos/pictures unless i am sure i can live with the consequences

-never upload stuff of other folks

-maintain high privacy levels in social networks

-never turn on the GPS on my cellphone unless i am traveling and could get lost

be smart and maintain just a little bit of your privacy. you will thank yourself in the long run.

-just my thoughts

Art imitates Life?

yeah, i know. some question that got the motor turning inside my head. it is of course, just another example of the chicken-egg scenario. and, i guess the real question is, "does it really matter?"

short answer, at least in my very humble opinion, NO it does NOT matter. the important part is to think, ponder, question, analyze, examine, discuss, or debate the question with yourself or others. to often time isn't spent truly examining the question and the subsequent answers that can be generated. any question can be answered and in most cases with a valid solution for the immediate. however, it is the ripples in the pond that the answer creates that can cause some consternation. that is the part that really is the need for taking one's time to truly determine the answer to a question. ( i am not talking about "chicken or dinner entree" question)

oh, so art/ life imitation. i was watching MadMen and was really caught up in the show. yes, i watched in the past but took time away from it...well, it coincided with the ceasing of cable television ( another rant/blog/discussion). anyways, i noticed how a main character was working hard to make significant changes to his core character and having mixed results. also, i noticed how we all seem to have 2 sides to us; the side everyone sees and the side we truly are and unfortunately few get to see. well, these 2 points hit very close to home....hence, art imitating life. true change is difficult and often we still slip back but hopefully it is less frequently, and of lesser displacement. at least that is my underlying thesis. :)

just my 2 cents.

One Bag or One Size or One Way

i am still amazed at what will trigger me to drop a few words on internet in the form of this blog.
OK. so, i am getting ready for a 3week, solo trip to Europe and one of the ideas that is making a hellava lot of sense to me is "one bag". yeah, one bag to carry my travelwares for the duration of the trip. now, that can seems like a pretty okay idea when you are thinking about a fairly large duffle bag. but, when you start to read and get more advice on the size (smaller) of the bag it starts to become a bit more daunting. but, i have decided that it could and more importantly WILL be done. really, how many socks, and extra pairs of sneakers do i need? i am just going to be a tourist, not some high-society fella crashing black-tie events. so, i think i can leave the extra wardrobe stateside.
BUT, i have to tell you the idea of using one bag for such an extended visit is a bit eye-opening. it really made me realize just how much i have in terms of clothing. i know we all like to talk about how bad we have it with the recession but looking at what i was gonna need for 3weeks and comparing to what i already had....well, let's just say that i am doing really well. just another example of how you have to sometimes change your perspective to gain any real insight of your own situation. relax. i am not advocating giving all your stuff away and going "monk". i am saying taking a good look at what you truly have before you start complaining about things, and very often you will have something wonderful already there and just overlook it.

Well, now that i was thinking about "one bag" that led me to ponder about how we as a society look at issues and subsquently our thoughts on solutions.
i get the definite impression that we are always looking for a solution that was done somewhere else, hence the idea of "one size/ one way". sure, i have simplified the idea. however, when i read or watch the news (only when i can't find a good book) it always seems like somebody is pontificating about a single way to do a solution. really? i think there are a like "infinity divided by ten" possible solutions that could be tried or at least discussed.

-take europe for example, a lot of folks say that their system for healthcare is how we need to go. well, i think we can say that what works in europe won't work here and that is based simply on the sheer delta in size of both populations, and geography. also, europe is a continent that has individual countries with their own systems. see, there is NO ONE SIZE here. now, there is nothing wrong with looking to other ways for some insight, but a straight "cut and paste" will not work. (hey, DC! the same goes for you too when applying your R's and D's)

OK, no more politics. i have to admit that doing my research for this trip has really allowed me to see another way (europe, EU, euro, etc..) and it really makes me appreciate the USA. think of the amount of different countries, different languages, different cultures, different monies and it makes me realize just how awesome this American experiment truly is. for all of the issues, it still feels that we are so lucky in terms of space, resources, and common money/language/culture. ( i know some will argue the culture point)
granted, it is alot easier now with the EU in terms of travel/money. i really look forward to this first hand. is it really that much better? the concept of the EU makes me think of how the north american continent might look if not for manifest destiny. something to thing about.

well, that is really all i have for now.

-just my 2cents

Brake Time.

yeah, i know i probably put the "wrong" break in the title. but, maybe i didn't. who knows, maybe you will be so offended by my grammatical error OR maybe you will be glad that i took some literary freedom. yeah, there you go there is no longer spelling errors, or verbs conjugated incorrectly, or confusion between adverbs and adjectives BUT rather "making a statement of grammatical freedom".

NOPE, that is bullshit. you put a fucked up sentence in your paragraph and you spell like you made your own dictionary. (ok, maybe that is a bit harsh for a elementary teacher's feedback to little kid's "what i did this summer" report)

holy shit. where was i going with this? pause. pause. yeah. taking a break. or putting the brakes on what is going on with my life. it is probably some where in the middle. but, we can talk about each one i guess. ( funny, but i sometimes think this writing is actually helping me)

Brake Time:

ok. so, this popped in my head because it feels like BRAKES are being applied to me, my thinking, my life, my direction, and all that other stuff. why do i say this? maybe just my perception. but, like a manager told me once "perception is reality".

the issues aren't really that bad, but seem like a bit of a hassle.

1. still waiting for my plates to come for my new car. YES, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE PROACTIVE IN CALLING ABOUT THEM. YES, I COULD HAVE GOTTEN AN ADDITIONAL TRIP PERMIT WHEN STILL IN OREGON. so, clearly this is an issue that i could have resolved better. i know that and i accept where i am with that. i guess i am really pissed is that i should have done a better job of seeing this problem and planning for it. now, i am not blaming anyone but myself and that it how it should be. what i do from here is on me and is an indication of how much i have grown. well, i still have room to grow because i was not open to "hearing advice" from my mother. (but, if you have gotten my mom's advice you might understand). it was not the advice, it was hearing or having to acknowledge my failing...never an easy thing to do. but, we continue to try and sometimes fail but always learning.

2. need to update paperwork for my ASQ certification. you are probably say, "are you fucking serious, you nerd!" yes, you are right. (wow, this shit does seem pretty mild compared to some shit out there). again, this is just another example of how i did not fully prepare or resolve the issue. for this, i didn't include enough specific in terms of the results my projects generated. i know this is just an example of maybe not giving 100+% to something i am working on. wow, that is not a thing you like to say about yourself. but, if it is true than you have to say it. just another example of thinking to much of ourselves. we are all human, and we make mistakes. so, like the example above, i use this as a learning opportunity to continue to grow and get better.

3. my own ideas, fears, misconceptions, insecurities.. well, the cat is out of the bag on this one. but, i really feel these things are getting in my own way. as much as i try to sound like i have my shit together, i think...nope, know that i am at times just working to keep my own train on the tracks. talk about something not wanting to be published. :) but, you have to embrace those feelings of insecurity or failure or unknown and use it as fertilize. and, not because it is just a bunch of shit, you pessimist. you do it because we only truly growth from pain, failure, disappointment and don't send that shit outward to folks. you have to deal with it, come to terms with and then just let it go into the garbage bin.

so, what are my fears; being alone, not finding my soul mate, unable to care for myself or loved ones, and just letting people who care about me down. but, i know being alone is the one that really gets to me. but, the part that seems the scariest is that i don't feel like i am really make strides to resolve this issue. i know you have to change the process if the one you have now isn't getting you the desired results. i know that i have the capacity to love and be with someone, but at times i wonder if i am truly at that point where i want to. i know i am like that at times but sometimes that feeling "seems to go away". maybe, i am masking that feeling with "noise". i think i need to explore that more.

OK, so what about break time?

well, this has really got to be about letting the walls down, not keeping that stiff upper lip, and just really exploring what/where/who i want to be. surprisingly, this really helps. i wonder sometimes, if this makes me seem more neurotic or more in tune with myself. i guess i can ask somebody who reads this for that feedback.

-just my 2.5 cents

Chin Up, Norway

sometimes, mankind just makes me shake my head. i just feel so sorry for all of the people that were lost in Norway on Friday. it is just so sad, sick, horrific, and just fucking wrong when innocent people are murdered. i have to admit that i was happy to hear that the judge for this case was NOT going to give a forum for this lunatic to make his case. i think we can all see that this knucklehead was only doing this to get his time on camera. and, the best way to beat this guy is to not give him his say and then to put this animal down, just like a dog with rabies.

i found it interesting that this "person" had tried to use mainstream politics to get his message across. however, went the violent tactic route to get his message out there. if i recall, this is the basic definition of terrorism, using violence to make your message heard. and, this made me thing about what would be spewed on the media's airwaves if it happened here. it made me think back to the virginia tech student who went a bit nutty with a gun. the media turned that into a circus and for what good? i mean it did not do anything to foster a conversation about mentally handicapped people and the treatment they receive, or rights versus responsibilities.

i guess in typical fashion, i started in one place and went to another. but, i do want to say that i feel terrible for the people who lost a loved one. it is terrible pain to lose a loved one, but must be off the charts pain to lose a loved one so suddenly and horrific. i just hope that their friends and loved ones support them through this terrible time. my heart goes out to you, Norway. but, you will get through this and you will be better.