sigh...

the holiday is over. with a second just a few weeks away. seems like the first one is about be grateful for what you have and where your life is. the next one feels like it is more about wishing where you can be and what you can add to your life. and, that doesn't seem like such a bad thing; the ying to the the yang. maybe that order works too, know what you have and then you can look to see what you can add.

( i look at this screen, and i want to put more words on it. my mind feels like it is running a marathon is mud. legs moving but no real movement. i am tired of seeing the issue but being unable to resolve it. hell, one might say that i have not truly identified the problem. note: like 5minutes passed from that last sentence)

i offer no insight to anybody. possibly, i offer a glimpse to my issues, my insights, my ways and maybe that offers something to folks. we all need to resolve our issues and yes, we do need assistance from others. however, we each have to be ready to acknowledge ourselves, seek assistance, and work through the process of change.

i am moody. i am overweight. i am not balding but i am greying. i am living with my parents. i am unemployed. i have good friend but i don't ask for help. i have a sense of humor that mixes sarcasm, filth, current events, and makes people smile. i have great teeth. i need to smile more. i have loved and lost. i have broken hearts and have had mine broken. i am helpless romantic. i am a great cook. i love my new car. i have been to europe. i have driven across the country. i love my family. i cry during some movies. i have been fired. i swear to much. i don't go to church but i believe is something that is more than me. i love pbr. i love pizza.

i love that i wrote this. again, it wasn't for you but it was for me. sure, i have some shit that sucks in my life but i have some great stuff too. strike the balance between those two side.

it is like somebody once said to me, over wild turkeys, " there is always somebody worse off than you and there is always somebody better off that you"

i leave with that thought.

Thankful.

sure, that is an easy title for something to write about given Thanksgiving is this week.

to often we lose sight of this holiday. we think of the gluttony that will ensue for a few days. diets are placed on hold. televisions are put on extra duty, if we could watch 25hrs we would. football is consumed only slightly less than turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin cheesecake.

hey, my blog so my menu.

however, i truly find this holiday (and maybe all of them) is about family. it is a time to be grateful that these people are in your life. oh, and family is how ever you wish to define it. :)

and, sometimes it is about remembering those members of your family that have moved on.

last year, my grandmother passed away in october. she had lived a long life but finally decided that she ready to go. and, she was living out in california near my aunt. grandma was a person who never wanted to be a "bother" to anyone, especially her family. maybe, that is a family trait? :)

what does this have to do with thanksgiving? my mom decided that she wanted to put bury my grandmother's ashes with her family in buffalo. i was coming home for thanksgiving, so it was decided to have a small ceremony the day after thanksgiving. and, i am glad that happened. now, it will always remind me to think and remember how special my grandmother was to me.

pumpkin-head(l) and pauline(r) -1975

thanksgiving, now carries something more for me than it used to. and, it all came back to me when i heard about a friend's father passing away this past saturday. she will be coming back to buffalo for thanksgiving and the funeral. i expressed my very heart-felt condolences and really did have an idea of what she could be feeling. ( i say could because we all grieve in our own way)

but, i am sure she is grateful to be supporting and supported by her family. she must be remembering all of those wonderful times about her father.

so, i guess i will leave with you this. be grateful for the time you have with anyone, but especially with those that are truly important to you. squeeze every bit out of those experiences. and, really examine what you are truly thankful for.

God Bless All of your wonderful troops.

-pauline & pumpkin-head

Are we really that sensitive?

watching the news again and i heard about the flap over the President making a "lazy" remark about America. of course, the 2 sides were in disagreement about the "we" in the statement. in one corner it referred to "business investment" and the other was the overall American people.

NEWS FLASH!!!!!

YOU ARE BOTH CORRECT!

it is really that bad to say we have gotten lazy? i don't think so. maybe, it might be the slap in the face or the kick in the ass that we collectively need. of course, it is a broad brush-stroke that we are applying. and, to often the image is only of physically being lazy. trust me, there is plenty of lazy to go around; intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and politically.

(the list continues on...)

and, you know what? we have made several advances in technology that have allowed us to have more time, and freedom to do other things that are not historically called worked. this could be seen as lazy when viewed from an older generation.

we are no longer a society that takes the time to have full-length conversations on anything, except fantasy football and reality show voting results. in my opinion, this is the worst lazy we are faced with . if we can NOT even have a full-contact, feature film length conversation on issues then we will continue to stay on the "couch".

i make no promises that i know all the answers or even most of the questions. but, i am willing to other my ideas and welcome the opportunity to discuss yours.

oh, and anyone who says that it is un-patriotic to say that America needs some work is just out of touch. i love America as much as anyone but we do have things we need to work on. and, to sweep garbage under the table is offensive and in my opinion un-American. America is about facing your problems and striving to resolve them. Hey, we do it for everyone else in world. Now, it is time to work a little bit at home.

GOD BLESSS ALL OF THE WONDERFUL MEN AND WOMEN WHO PROTECT US EVERYDAY. WE CAN NEVER SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH.

YOU ARE THE ACCOUNTABILITY AND RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FREEDOMS THAT WE ENJOY!

AND, WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE AND RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU!

disguises

funny, how things can be packaged as one thing but really be something completely different.

i started to think how things, ideas, feelings, or whatever are one thing on the "inside" but often are the opposite on the outside.

just a few examples:

- Hostility masking Indifference

yeah, this one has a political undercurrent. if you stop, listen to the news (why?) you will be blasted with the vitriol of partisan and polarizing political speech. the "blame game" goes back and forth, the ends playing off against each other and unfortunately the "sane" middle. the pendulum swings back and forth but never moves anywhere, net effect is zero. "+500" plus "-500" equals ZERO. basic math, people. i have mentioned this before but both parties love the status quo and strive to keep it there. and, that is the indifference. no real desire to make any change to the system.

ok, so there is the problem. what is my resolution? much to long to put here. :)

term limits, campaign finance, and legitimate third voting option.

-Brashness masking Scared

yeah. who hasn't been here? what is the saying,"put on a brave face" or "don't let them see you sweat"? and, for the most part it isn't a bad thing when combined with moderation (secret for everything = moderation). however, this can be a problem when you don't truly allow yourself to be open to you situation, willing to learn from situation. i have never learned truly learned anything unless there has been pain associated with it. pain can come in many forms, financially, physically, mentally, or maybe the worse emotionally. however, all this does is lead to making your stronger. so, let yourself be out there at times because there are more people in the same boat. and, 2 paddlers is better than 1.

i know that i have been in both of those examples to often in my life. i like to thing that they were in my past BUT i know that i still dip my toes in those ponds. how can i not? life is tough and always changing. sometimes, you need to put up walls to stop the "elements" but you have to still get outside the walls. all storms will pass. and, then you gather up what you need and venture out beyond the walls again!

-happy trails!

higher standards

well, there is a phrase that gets thrown around a bunch, especially these days.

and, you know they are right we should hold people to higher standards.

BUT, HOW ABOUT WE HOLD OUR INDIVIDUAL SELVES TO THAT HIGHER STANDARD FIRST?

wow! wouldn't that be a nice change. maybe just maybe we wouldn't have all the craziness that seems to hang over our collective being, like a thunder cloud. maybe, then we can stop the blame game and work to resolve the underlying problem's root cause. oh, this by no means that people should not be held accountable for their inaction or actions. like i have said in the past, freedom carries with it a corresponding accountability & responsibility for the actions & deeds you exercise.

notice that i am not weighing on specifics of right or wrong. hey, i am no perfect being or bearer of the "higher standard". i know that i have to continue to strive for that but i like to believe that i am accountable for my actions and deeds. i make mistakes. you make mistakes. mistakes happen but are "we" learning from them and not repeating them? God/ Allah/ Buddha/ Jevoh/ Mother Nature helps us if we are not.

just a few thought for today.

quality is...

been thinking about quality, its implications, its impact, and how i related to it.

now, this is probably been heightened by job search process and starting back on a fitness regimen. maybe, i can figure out a good marketing tag-line for myself in the process :)

QUALITY IS...

- PATRIOTIC;

from a pure manufacturing pov, if you make a great product then you will develop a market. that can't be to bad for our economy, right?

- CONTAGIOUS;

the more success you have, then the more you want. imitation is the highest form of flattery, or why not follow the best in a particular industry. makes sense to me.

- HARD-WORK;

you have to be honest, being the best takes work. however, isn't the other option just a really shitty choice? we as a country have gotten away from this...we want our cake but refuse to bake it!

- TEAMWORK;

this is really easy to see when compared against the partisan nature of our government and politics. nothing is done alone. we all require help, even if really small in nature. even a huge loner, like the unabomber, needed help like the postal service. (ok, that example was out there).

the idea being great things are done not by individual efforts but with team work

- CONTINUOUS;

kinda like a snowball rolling down a hill. (it's november in buffalo...of course a snow reference)

similar to contagious. you want to keep making improvements. we know that nothing stands still, change is going to happen. why not, get in front of it and build the fix before it is even needed. i know we can do it.

just a few ideas about quality. i think i have a good basis for something here. but, feel free to help yourself to the idea and build upon for yourself.

-just a few of my "quality" thoughts

VETERANS DAY. THANK YOU!

this is quite simply a BIG ASS THANK YOU to all of our veterans. they are the real backbone of our country. sure, the country has is principles, norms and freedoms that define us.

however, it is our veterans that support and protect those principles and freedoms. they are the muscle to the words of the CONSTITUTION and DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. they give of themselves so that ALOT of us do not have to give of ourselves. i know that i am touched by their gift, and far to many times their ultimate gift.

take a moment, think about the true and real gifts you have been given through your life and be grateful. and, hopefully you can start to pay it forward, even if just 0.00001% of what you have received.

THANK YOU TO ALL VETERANS; PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE!

Up Again.

yeah, getting up again.  and, not about waking up.  about getting shit down for my own well being of mind and body.  for to long i sit and think about what i need to do.  well,  it is time to get up and out and start doing some more.  

so, i am back on the workout kick.  back to doing the p90x.   funny, that thanksgiving is a few weeks away, but what better reason to start.  and, besides there is always a reason not to.   bullshit.  there is aways a reason to DO IT.     got my tracking sheet, took my day 1 pictures... not quite as svelt as i used to be, so here we go.

been working on the mind, now is time to work on the mind.

Dangerous Expectations

isn't funny how expectations can work out?   this is primarily the case when reality doesn't match up the predicted or expected version of reality.  no where is this more evident than in the world of sports.   and that is exceptionally true here in buffalo.  actually, it is funny because there currently is a case of high and low expectations.

the low expectations deal with a 5-2 football team that is performing beyond anyone's expectations except for maybe those of the actual team.   key part here is that the team believes in what they can accomplish and damn anyone else's take on what reality would be.   this is just a great example of knowing your own path, sticking to it and making your own reality happen.   key take away is "nothing is ever as bad as can be made out to be".   if you focus to much on other people's negativity and bullshit then you deserve to not reach your own potential.  put more faith in what you can accomplish, and yes you will need help because we don't work or live in a vacuum.

well, high expectations can be just as shitty to a person.   the example that i am thinking of is of a certain hockey team.  a team that made so many moves on paper to improve (notice the on paper part) was supposed to be the cream of the crop.  well, after 12% of the entire season they are 6-5.   hey, still over .500,  but to listen to fans and experts  the team is in rough shape.   now, high expectations will cause you to wear 'rose-color lenses' and not really see the severity of a possible real situation.   it can be said that "nothing is ever as good as it made to seem".   not truly seeing a problem can be a huge because a head up the ass can be difficult to explain to a doctor or an insurance company when making the claim.   when you don't acknowledge a problem then you will never be able to fix that problem.

i am always amazed at how sports is such a wonderful metaphor for what we deal with in life.   it would be nice to deal with those salaries, oh what a pain that would be!   it just seem like such a powerful metaphor when looking at how each of the teams have performed against the expectations from experts.  it is something that i have been dealing with the last few years both in my professional and personal life.   it doesn't matter what others think, it matters what you think and what you can accomplish.  nothing like accomplishments to change somebody's expectations.  

Expectations; they are  never as bad AND never as good as they seem.  somewhere in the middle.  to dwell to much on either expectation is no good because it is preventing reality from being made.

-just my thoughts

That is just lazy...

i really could not believe what i had heard this morning.   while listening to some podcast, and only ones that deal with humor, i heard a promo about a company that is a modern day answering service.   but, it seemed the big modern spin was that they would transcribe your missed phone call and convert into an email for your reading leisure.

i nearly shit my pants.  (nice image, huh?)

i could not believe that there was a market for people to have their phone calls transcribed like somebody in court.  really, are you that GD lazy that you can't answer your own phone, check your GD voicemail and return a call.   but apparently there is a huge need.

this just seemed to smack of everything that is wrong with where we are as a society these days.  people are lazy and don't want to do even the most basic things for themselves.  people think think more of their position than what they are actually doing in the position.   if we are keeping up with the 'joneses' great, but somebody better check to see if they are actually in a job, in a house, not in debt or all the other shit that people are dealing with in the world.  but, hey maybe we are keeping up with the real jones and not the "reality jones".   (interesting thought there)

so, how about we get lazy on all of this extra crap that is out there.  maybe, work to try and make a smaller imprint but an imprint that actually brings good to somebody else and yourself.
for me the easiest way is to cook for people i care about.

Southern Fried Xmas Dinner '10; CFS w/ white gravy, mashed taters, bacon-brussel sprouts, honey carrots, and cornbread.   Dear Santa, can i have some cholesterol meds?

-just my thoughts