Lost Again?

It seems like such a crazy quote huh? But, it definitely is capturing my state of mind the last few days. I guess the tighter you grab at something the more likely you can squeeze "it" through your grip. Always comes back to the balance of everything; good-bad, pain-joy, poor-wealth, smiles-frown, love-hate, and the lines goes on.

Well, I know it all starts with me and my mind. (Scary thought?) This is just a way to get my thoughts out of my mind. As, I am sure that nobody is getting anything out of this. If they do, I guess than that is just the frosting on the cake.

So, what is the problem? To para-phrase, I am 'barking at the moon'. I feel like I am letting myself slide back to activities, thoughts that don't help to propel me forward toward something more positive for myself but for others as well.
Doing good is to be done for the joy of it and not for some benefit that will be paid back. Don't look for the reward, just do the good task.

I am becoming comfortable again, with where I am. Not looking for those challenges that helped to push me through last year. It is funny to hear people say " you really got it together" but I know that inside I am this walking experiment of how to make it through my life looking for love, knowledge, purpose, ....

I woke up this morning and felt sick. But, I know that I could have worked through it but I choose to make my mind make me feel sicker than I was. What am I running from?
I feel stagnate between exploring new relationships that should build upon my last one and thinking about my last one. Going back isn't a real option but yet it continues to just hang in my mind. Moving on with a new relationship, and a healthy one, is really the direction that I have to take. Maybe, this will help to get my mind and heart in the same place. But, are those two ever in synch? :) I think alot would be explained if they were NOT in synch.

I need to push through this and make the choice that I know is right. I can not straddle this issue, as the fence is starting to ride up in my ass....and that hurts.

it does feel better to get that off my chest.