Attitudes

i was really trying to figure out what the hell to pontificate about and after a few revisions it hit me. it is all about attitude. more importantly, one's attitude toward everything but specifically towards other people. ideally, one should be open to other people's thoughts, feelings, appearances or whatever. i mean i am no saint or anywhere close. sometimes, i judge people based on very limited information that i have received but even worse is to base on limited information that is given third, fourth or even fifth person. (not quite 6 degrees of kevin bacon)

i mean we see it all the time, decisions being made by folks and those folks taking an attitude that their insight/decision/whatever has to be correct. really? what gives them this all-powerful ability to correct. granted, maybe they are right but i think there is a way to be humble about it. i really think that we as a society have lost that humility. look to our media or politicians or majority of athletes or business leaders or religious leaders and you will hear "this is RIGHT and to not agree is WRONG and my opponent is a SOB" . (ok, maybe i embellished that point a bit, but you get the idea)

and, you know i think if you ask most people they will be able to acknowledge the problem in somebody else. but, come to look at yourself in the mirror.....whole different story. but, maybe it is getting better. i think the recession has really caused folks to see past materialistic stuff (partly, cuz a lot of us are losing those things) and focusing on the real essence of ourselves. family, friends and how we build or start and grow those relationships. that is a good thing and i know that it has happened and continues to happen with myself. i far from being a model in any aspect but at least i try to look at myself first before i make a judgment on a person. i still think people are sometimes assholes, dirtbags or maybe need to be eliminated from the face of the earth (bin laden) AND i probably still will. that won't change but i think it is important to at least attempt to keep an open mind/attitude as i am going through that process.

just my thoughts.

Roadtrip Notes

this is for friend of mine who doesn't use FB. so here you go, buddy. :)

Just a few thoughts from my drive. Funny how a few hours in a car will give you some things to ponder. Maybe some of them will be interesting. :)

Day1:

- amazing how beautiful it is along the Columbia River Gorge.

- Boise seemed like a very cool city. It is definitely evident that it is a college town, actually that is the prominent feel of the town. Easy to walk around the downtown area, lots of bicycles, and something reminds me of the ABQ, NM & Colorado Springs, CO.

- mind-blowing at how expansive the US really is, the varied types of scenery that one can see just with a few hours drive.

- when will car makers build a camera function into a car? make it a lot easier/safer to take those interesting pictures when driving. :)

Day2:

- never spent any time driving thru Idaho, and I can say that I regret that. It is really a beautiful piece of country. it has that type of rugged beauty which seems to be typical of states in the western mountain region of the country.

-Crater of the Moon was really cool and reminded me the area around Bend, Oregon for the lava caves. very cool and very strange looking.

- took my first opportunity to jump off the planned agenda. :) took a long dip in the hot mineral springs of Lava Springs. think of a natural hot tub...very relaxing and some had some serious heat to them. got to love that geothermal energy.

Day3:

- ok, the Great Salt Lake is one freaking water body. yeah, salty water and not an ocean. very strange but seems typical of this part of the area. the abundance of minerals, and geothermal activity just rearing its head. also, the beach was strange as you would see and hear these parts that was just dried salt.

- Salt Lake City is a really beautiful city, and has a very modern feel to it. yes, the Moron church presence is very evident but maybe that is part of the charm. it is a huge part of the town. and, i was surprised to see missionaries from all over the world; china, easter europe, etc. the presence of the Mormon religion is wide spread and pretty impressive.

- this day was also a continued swerve off the plan, and it continued to be worthwhile.

Day4:

- Grand Teton is a fantastic place and by far the most impressive place I have seen on this trip. It is just south of Yellowstone, and is just mind-blowing. Also, I love to hear how it is a "young" mountain range.

-decided to camp in the park and that was awesome. but, the one "unique" part was this was the first time that i really had the time to get lost in my thoughts. prior to that i was just so focused on driving that i didn't allow my mind to wander. it was great because the quiet and beauty of the park just allowed me to think on what really matters in life. hopefully, i will actually learn something. ;)

-this is a long trip and a co-pilot might have been a good idea. :)

Day5:

-Yellowstone is awesome but I do feel that it is primarily OLD FAITHFUL'S park. :) that had to be one of the most impressive things that i have ever seen. one thing i was thinking about was how would this blow the mind of a settler that was moving westward. i mean i knew what it was all about and it still caused me to gasp.

-taking pictures of the park is like just scratching the surface of the sun. such a small action that can't really give you a true sense of the magnitude of the beauty of this park and any of the wilderness seen so far.

- from now on, i want to visit as many actual places that i see in pictures or read about. it just helps to make the image 3D rather than 2D. i suggest the same for everyone else too.

Day6:

- really got back to the schedule and was glad for that. guess, i can't get to far from my organized side.

- visited the Battle of Little Bighorn...WOW!. i remember reading about this in history classes but had no sense of the magnitude of the battle. again, it just seems to reinforce the concept of getting out and seeing/living history to make it more complete of a picture.

- Montana and Wyoming are beautiful. I don't know how beautiful they would be in the dead of winter. ;) but, the summer they are beautiful, truly the image of the wild west.

Day7:

- Happy Birthday, America.

- Mt Rushmore, I was surprised by how much of an impact this had on me. Something about being there on our country's birthday with a unbelievable tribute to 4 of our greatest presidents. But, I feel that it was more than about those four and more about just how great this country is, how much it went through to get here, where we started from and hopefully how we can get our shit together to fix this fantastic country. It was great to see the wide ranges of people present that were there to enjoy this site. I can hope that they were as moved as I was. So, what does this mean for me? Well, I just need to stop bitching about things and really strive to improve them or at least my immediate circle of influence.

-Badlands, it was just incredible to see this area. it seemed like out of nowhere the earth just got completely messed up. i am not sure how it got its name ( i guess i can wikipedia it) but it seems to me that somebody saw the area and said that is some "bad land". regardless, it was something really awesome to witness. i continue to be amazed at how beautiful and diverse the geography of this country is. this is just another example of truly amazing this great country is with such natural beauty.

- i am truly blessed that i am an AMERICAN.

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Day8:

-i guess the only thing that i can comment on is, satellite radio has got to be the biggest con out there. i mean it is literally matches cable tv. both have 100+ channels but only about 5 are worth a damn. unreal.

i mean for the sirus there are about 15 channels that are literally just cable tv channels being simulcasted, just without the pictures. i am glad that i have a free subscription but i am pretty sure that i won't re-new my free subscription. however, i can say that i have enjoyed listening to old howard stern bits. i got to hear some old jackie skits, and even billy west skits. that was priceless.

Day9:

-Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was very cool BUT no where near enough VAN HALEN stuff. Really cool architecture to the building. I am always amazed at the range/ diversity of folks at any sort of museum. first time i say like 45% of the patrons bobbing their heads in a museum...but that makes sense i guess.

- Pennsylvania, your roads suck. there is a rant here but i am just in a good mood and really don't want to wasted my typing on your shitty roads. just know that i could.

- it was really awesome to get back to "home". it felt good to know that i wasn't gonna be sleeping in a motel tonite. but, the best part was meeting up with a few friends ( most of them i hadn't seen since HS) and just catch up, take about the trip, and just enjoy the company of good people. funny, how we all seemed to have grown up since HS. well, i guess that is how "growing old works"

Day10:

- gave the ride a much needed bath. i think i have officially become that guy who loves to wash and detail his car. does this mean i need to get a gold chain? :)

hopefully, you enjoyed my sense of humor and maybe i have put the bug in your mind to take a roadtrip. it really was one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. so much history, so much beautiful and varied geography, and just so really nice and friendly people i meet along the way.

Day 1 Roadtrip

it was a really great day today. drove 400+ miles, went thru oregon and into idaho, and finally crossed into the mountain time zone. i really enjoyed the drive, especially seeing the scenery passing bay. i have to admit that sometimes the best view was from my rear-view mirror. not because i was going away because at times i was going either up or down-hill, and anytime snow-capped mountains are included that is good.

one of the ideas that creeped into my mind was, at times you really do need to look around; to the sides and behind you. it can be really good because you can see some great views, and from the rear-view you can also see some amazing views. now, if i kept this view i would completely crash and that is just not good. so, looking back is good to reflect upon but you have to keep looking forward to make progress. so, with that i am putting those old chapters on the shelf and who knows when i might pick it up again. :)

looking forward to day 2

-just my thoughts

Road Trip

i feel like i should have some words or something at a minimum to spout.

a roadtrip across the country is in the works, and likely will start this week. but, i feel like i have been waiting for this for several days now. i am tired of talking, thinking, or anything else that is NOT actually making this trip. i know we are supposed to plan, plan, and plan but it feels like it just gets to be a pain because we all know you have to put the rubber to the road at some point. i know that i am there. i have meet with folks, caught up with folks, talked with folks, ate with folks, had beverages with folks, shared stories with folks, and on and on and on. now, this in no way takes away from the pleasure these experiences gave. i guess i am ready to prove to myself that i am read to finish this adventure. i feel the butterflies and it makes me want to start sooner than later. however, i kinda miss my parents and i am sure they will be happier once i have set foot back home. also, 2 weeks is a long time to be visiting any place, especially when 'couch surfing'.

- i really don't know how people do it, couch surfing. i am so lucky to have enough friends to allow it to happen. however, there is still something to be said for having your own place to lay your head. and, maybe i am just feeling a little bit "helpless"...you know having to ask for help. but, i had said earlier that would be a good thing to experience.

i have really enjoyed my time here and will miss my friends here. no regrets. only good memories of some great people.

Trusting the Gut

yeah, it never ceases to amaze me how right the gut gets it. especially, when we take the time to look back on a decision. sure, it seems crazy or tough or insane or just wrong or any other lunch buffet of adjectives. but, it is even better when it proves out to be the right call.

from my own experience, the decision to leave pdx, head east, and try something news seems to be the completely correct call. i have been back visiting the pdx area for the last week, and probably for an additional week. while fantastic to reconnect with friends, it became evident that staying was not the correct option for me. all those ideas of why i wanted to leave came flooding back too. it isn't that i am anti-pdx, it is just that i feel growth opportunities will be more outside of here. additionally, i could feel the stagnation creeping in again on me and in just a short time here. see the gut was right. :) but, then again it usually is. i mean, we should know ourselves best and that knowledge should allow for the best decisions to be made.

so, yes i am glad that i left pdx. but, i am by no means happy to have left such wonderful friends. that was the hard part of leaving but also has been the real joy of visiting.

-just my 2 cents.

Waiting for a ride

yeah, i hate waiting. i really find it a bit on the pain in the ass side more than unbearable. ( i was gonna say unbearable but then i thought about the pain of losing someone or what it not know about a loved one missing. kinda sad how we are always so quick to make the those broad and absolute statements, especially when we KNOW better. is this whole blog gonna be a side note? :))

what am i waiting for? my new car. my new sense of freedom? my new opportunity for adventure? nope. just my car. i find it interesting how i lose sight of what is in front of me. this recent daunt back to pdx made that clear, and most likely clear again. i always know this but need to gently remind myself from time to time. so, now you ask what is the lesson?

as i see it, the lesson is:

-there is really no reason to wait for some outside event that has to occur for you to do something. everything you need is right there in front of you. no need to wait for something external to say "time to go". it is always about when you are ready to act. no more waiting for that phone call, package delivery, new sale, or whatever. make the decision yourself, start it, and enjoy it.

-just my 2 cents

On your Mark. Get Set. Go!

wow. i can't believe what i am about to embark on. it is a mix of excitement, fear of the unknown, anticipation of events which may or may not be in my control. that is part that really is the most interesting .....control. or maybe, it is the illusion of control. yeah, maybe i did borrow a line from 'Days of Thunder'.

maybe, this is what this whole trip will be about for me. getting back some control of my life. the last few months, while enjoyable and learning did seem to make me a bit more dependent upon others or giving up a bit of control of my life. granted, that is more of an impression and not likely the case because that is what we do, we ask for help from others in our lives. it is important to know that you can ask for help. that really might be the most important thing i learned, was asking for help. we all need to put pride aside at times. and, then there are times when we need to put the pride back in our life, and maybe that is what taking control is all about. I AM PROUD OF MY IDEAS FOR MYSELF AND I WILL BRING THEM TO FRUITION. (ok, maybe i didn't need to scream it)

are you asking yourself, what are you rambling about?

my plan is to buy a new car and then enjoy a drive back east to see the sights, and maybe even more to prove that i can do this by myself. good practice for my month long trip through europe. as a good engineer, we all know that nothing works perfectly the first time. have to run the process through some 'stress' to see what needs a tweak.

also, this trip will allow me to see old friends from portland again. funny how 2 months seems like a long time in some situations. will our perceptions have changed? will i still feel the connection when actually face to face with them again? will second guessing come into play? will relationships seems stronger or weaker or maybe even reconnected?

all very interesting questions. i think the best part will be the entire process, rather than the results. that is what i will try to keep as my main focus for this wild and fantastic adventure.

-stay tuned.

Leaves

So, I am laying under a tree and I look up.   How many times do we do that?   "They" say to smell the roses, I say look up at the leaves.  

Remember to keep taking different perspectives from time to time.

just my 2cents.  
Ps.  Where is the old school cent symbol on this keyboard?

3's to Maturation

sometimes, i am just struck by how efficient the human brain can work. how you can just seem to have the clarity of thought to explain things, but usually those things tend to be after the fact. guess, that is why hindsight is 20/20. anyways, today it struck me that maturity is something that takes its own time for each person. exactly, the reason why maturity level is different for each person out there. so, what am i taking about?

it seems to me that each person has to go through 3 stages before they reach maturity. maybe, maturity is the wrong term....maybe it should be emotional intelligence? the idea being that we all have to go through these 3 stages at least once before we become an emotionally developed person. or, at least that is the case for me. :) so, yes, i am basing my whole theory on a single but highly studies data point....me.

so, what are the 3 stages?
1. allowing yourself to open your heart to another person. basically, this is putting yourself into a situation where you open yourself to another person. if you are lucky enough, maybe you fall in love but hopefully you meet a person that knowing makes you crave to grow.

2. working through a tramatic event. we all have shit that happens to us, sometimes it isn't our fault and we just have to work though it. the good part of these events is that they often lead to change. as we all know, change is never easy and never occurs without some sort of "pain". when the status quo no longer is "painless" is the time that changes occurs.

3. knowing that you are ready to make changes to your life. this is a tough thing for everyone because at this point a person has to acknowledge they are not perfect and maybe even a little wrong. nobody likes being wrong. but, this is an opportunity for growth. when you see the opportunity then you know you are reaching maturity.

now, the interesting part of this is how this seems to occur in 30's for most folks. and, this make seems to match up when most folks become "mature" or grownups. the reason that seems to make the most sense, is that you have finally had enough time to experience the 3 events. that isn't to say that some people won't experience it sooner or later.

for me, it all happened by my mid-30's, 35 to be exact. i meet a wonderful woman that i allowed into my life, and wanted in my life. i was fired from a job that i had for 10+ years. and, i decided that my life, my attitude, and my treatment of people had to change. all this happened, and what strikes me was that so many people that i knew made mention of the changes that i was attempting to make permament in my life. that was extremely powerful and rewarding to me.

so, now that maturity starts in a person, i don't think that growth cycle or process improvement ever stops. i mean we continue to have good and bad events in our lives, and we still look for ways to make ourselves better. just my thoughts on it. maybe, one to many beverages made it not flow as well as i hoped but at least i am trying. :)

thanks, and i hope you got something.

Golf...metaphor for life?

the only reason i mention that as a possible title because it is said that golf is all mental. maybe, the one sport where less credit is given to physical ability that mental prowess. and, i think we can all relate and agree that life is all mental. i mean, where the mind wants to go the body follows and hope delivers to that place with the soul riding shotgun.

very recently, i have felt very lazy. no real desire to do my workout routine or much of anything. well, except maybe read some quick-fiction novels, nothing to deep but i was surprised how fast i went through them. hindsight, my suggest that i just wanted to keep my brain mildly active. i would also suggest that the biggest shortcoming of my sabbatical has been keeping my mind active and engaged in issues of substance. sure, i can read the news, wonderful to kickstart some depression or wonder WTF is going on in the collective mind of humanity. (i hate to agree with religious zealots but maybe we need to hit the reset button or something to course correct)

my mind just has not felt engaged in anything. sure, i have a plan of where i want to get to, and i am working to get that plan to fruition. sometimes, i guess i just need to try and engage more on conversational levels, and i was really doing that on my recent trips...that is probably what i am missing. we all need those outside of our bubble/sphere/world communications. looks like we are back to networking; meeting folks, sharing ideas, and having fun. oops, i am not sure where i am right now in this topic.

oh yeah, mental aspect of life. that mental engagement has to occur but i really thing that it must not be in a vacuum. i mean we ALL love Jimi Hendrix and he a master of feedback. that is what it is about...feedback. we are social beings and we need to know that we have having some impact on other, and hopefully it is positive OR more than a congressional tweet (sorry, Representative Weiner).

ok, so i need to look to make that a goal for myself. sometimes, it just helps to get it out there in front of all of your senses.
just my thought, i don't know if anyone reads this, and if you do then i guess this is working some small amount for me.

-take care.