rambling on... about arrogance

i am not sure if i have nightmares anymore.  maybe, it is a matter of semantics.  imagine that.  :)
ok, so when i refer to nightmares,  it is those dreams that you have when you see a scary movie.   right?
we all remember those warnings from our parents, and we all know that we have had them.   so, when i say nightmares that is what i refer to.   i can honestly say that i don't have those anymore...nobody is chasing me down, no monster eating me, or typical scary movie shit.

i will say that my mind will sometimes get into a gear that is just not conducive to getting quality sleep.  my mind starts to play out scenarios where i just fail to be a good person or just plain fail at something.  i make those bad decisions that only set me back in my growth.  typically, i am doing the dumb-shit of my youth or when i was more selfish.  or, it feels like my brain is playing out worse-case scenarios for me. 

now, i should be asking how did i get myself to this place.  or, do i just need to acknowledge it and move past these negative thoughts?   i can't get my mind clear, and it is really driving me nuts.   it is stress.  and, there we go.  the root of pretty much everything... stress.   why?

i am worried that i didn't pass my certification test.  plan and simple.  i was not comfortable,  i felt flustered, i felt rushed, i was not at peace.   most likely due to my arrogance regarding my preparation for the test.   however, the arrogance is a bigger issue.  i know when i start to get like this then something happens to be level me out.   the last time, i had this happened ..well, i wrecked my truck and broke my nose.  not this time.  that is a big improvement.  :)    no booze will make it easier to not do dumb shit.

so, if i were to set back then maybe i am truly improving myself.   i noticed the problem before anything truly bad happened.  i took some time to think it through and the act of writing it down helps my process.
maybe, i still need to run off some of this energy as i won't really be able to concentrate with work.

yeah, sounds like a better plan that grabbing 2 extra slices.  :)   next, i will work to kick the stress-eating but i did enjoy that mighty pack last night.  :)

just my thoughts.  this was more for me than you.  but, feel free to "learn" from it.

-tffjr